“There’s just one thing I hate more than lying, which is skim milk. It’s just water that’s lying about being milk.” – Ron Swanson
“You wanna make a baby, Traeger? Your hair…my everything else…that kid would be unstoppable.” – Donna Meagle
“Sometimes when I blow my nose, I get a boner. I don’t know why, it just happens.” – Andy Dwyer
“Start over and speak differently. Please.” – Ron Swanson
“I regret everything.” – Ron Swanson
“Anne, you poetic and noble land mermaid.” – Leslie Knope
“He he. I flushed my car keys down the toilet”. – Ben Wyatt
“I’m weak. I miss Andy and it’s making me weak.” – April Ludgate
“No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me. I’m like a white male U.S. senator!” – Leslie Knope
“I am gonna get drunk, and then I’m gonna order a three-course meal where every meal is made of dessert.” – Leslie Knope
“Any dog under 50 lbs is a cat, and cats are pointless.” – Ron Swanson
“Don’t trust small banks, or big banks. Banks are ponzi schemes, run by morons.” – Ron Swanson
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